Kindness & Compassion

In a world that is very rough and tough, and I am trying to teach my boys to be kind and compassionate.

In fact, I am officially changing my "Word for the Year" to Kindness.

I have found that they are able to resolve almost any conflict with a simple reminder to be kind. For example, if the boys are fighting over a toy (i.e. Tyson does not want to share his toy with Preston) Tyson doesn't not have to give his toy to Preston but he does have to be kind in the way he says no. Sometimes that means helping Preston find something else to play with.

I don't allow them to yell at each other, or hit one another. (Tyson still yells and Preston still hits but we are working on it.) They are lucky to have each other, and I won't let them treat each other badly. I want them to be best friends. I also want them to learn how to resolve their own problems without needing me to referee. I want them to learn these life skills before they head out into the real world. I tell Tyson that I can't let him play with friends until he is able to play nicely with his brother.

In the last few weeks I've started witnessing the fruits of my labors.

One afternoon I was watching a movie with all three boys. Nolan was snuggled on my chest, and the two big boys were sitting next to me. Without a word Preston climbed up on Tyson's lap and snuggled into his chest. Tyson wrapped his arms around his little brother and kissed the top of his head. They stayed that way for a few minutes before Preston climbed back down. Neither one said a word to each other. It was just a sweet brotherly moment while watching Alvin and the Chipmunks.

A few days later Dan and I were reading bedtime stories to the boys. Preston asked, "Tyson, will you hold me?" Tyson opened his arms and let his little brother climb up onto his lap.

They are building a friendship that I hope will last a lifetime.

Sometimes we run into problems with friends who come over to play. It's surprising how many children have a dog-eat-dog attitude about life. I've received many surprised looks from neighbor kids when I tell them that if they can't play nicely they can't play at all.

I know my kids aren't perfect. They hit , they take toys from other children , they fight, they like to get their own way.

But they are learning.

And I am proud of them.

Through this process I am finding myself being kinder to them.

(Maybe it's due to the lack of pregnancy hormones. Or maybe I'm getting softer in my old age, I don't know.)

I yell a lot less. I more aware of the tone of voice I use with them. I say 'yes' as often as I can. I let the 'little things' slide. My parenting style is changing. And it's a good change.