Lila's Birth Story

Lila's birth story begins the day before she was born.  Thursday, the 27th, was a busy, hectic day. Tyson and Preston went to school.  Cheryl took Nolan for a couple hours while I went to my 38 week doctor's appointment. This was a very entertaining appointment.  My doctor was on call at the hospital that day.  He kept running back and forth from the office to the hospital. The nurses kept saying it was "the day that should not be named."  In addition, the thermostat in the office was broken and the temperature in the exam rooms was around 90 degrees.  They were doing their best to get women in and out as quickly as possible.  

As I sat waiting on the exam table I could hear my doctor's robust voice in the exam room next door.  And then I heard him say to the nurses in the hall, "I need to run over to the hospital to deliver a baby. I'll be right back.  Open all the doors so people don't pass out."  And he was gone.  

A nurse came in, explained the situation, offered me a bottle of water and left my door open. And there I sat sweating for about 20 minutes.  When the doctor came back he was his usually jolly self.  He joked that with this kind of heat they should be offering pedicures and charging extra for the spa experience.  

He had only been in the room long enough to squirt gel on my belly when his cell phone rang.  As he answered I said, "It's my baby.  She wants to come out now."  

He tried to keep a straight face as he spoke to a nurse at the hospital.  "Alright, I'll be right there to break her water."  

"Lucky girl," I muttered under my breath but still loud enough for him to hear.

After he listened to baby's heartbeat he offered checked me.  I told him that if he said I was still 2cm (which I had been for several weeks) I would hit him.  

He laughed.  "What do you want me to tell you?  I'll tell you anything you want.  It may not be accurate though." 

 "Five! I want to be a five."  He laughed again.  "Well, you aren't 2cm.  Definately 3cm.  And 100% effaced."  

Good enough for me.

Next I explained my concerns with the doctor that this baby was posterior.  I was nervous since in the last few days I'd been feeling most of my contractions in my back, which was totally new to me.  I explained my fear of having a posterior baby.  Preston was posterior.  It was believed that this is what caused all his problems after birth which resulted in him being sent to Primary Children's for a week.  I told him I did not want to repeat that experience.  My doctor assured me that she felt like she was in a good position and if we get to delivery and she is posterior, he will simply turn her.  I was satisfied with that answer.  

I left his office as he was on his way back over to the hospital to break someone's water and deliver yet another baby that day.  I was a little disappointed that the cervical check hadn't put me into labor, and was reeling at the thought of being 100% effaced.  

Dan was home for the remainder of the evening. After dinner he was kind enough to take all three boys to the park during Tyson's soccer practice.  I enjoyed a quiet hour at home.  It was during this quiet hour that I noticed my contractions were starting to come regularly.  I started timing them.  They were about 10 minutes apart.  Still not really painful, just mildly uncomfortable.  

But our busy day wasn't over yet.  We still had to get through Pack Meeting.  So immediately following soccer practice we went to the church.  I had a killer contraction right as we were walking in the door.  Several people looked at me and commented, "Any day now, huh?"  All I could say was, "It feels like any minute!"  

The contractions continued through Pack Meeting. By the end of the hour they started getting a little closer together.  I told Dan it was time to go home and get the kids to bed so I could focus a little better.  As we were loading the kids into the car I joked about walking home to really get things going.  

Tyson freaked out, "No mom!  If the baby comes too early it will be bad!"  

I assured him that it wasn't "too early" any more and she could come anytime.  He looked shocked yet elated.  And he threw his arms out blocking my path, "Mom, you are not allowed to get in this car!  You have to walk home!"  I laughed and then shoved him aside.  I really wasn't going to walk home. 

Dan put the kids to bed and I started bouncing on my yoga ball.  It didn't seem to be doing any good.  For a while I thought the contractions were slowing down so I decided to climb into bed and watch a little TV.  Dan joined me a while later and promptly fell asleep.  Around midnight I noticed that the contractions were still coming regularly.  Sleep didn't seem to be an option so I decided to walk around the house and bounce on my ball a little more.  An hour later the contraction were 5-7 minutes apart.  But I was getting really tired, it was 1 am after all.  So I tried to go to sleep.  If this was real labor they would keep coming regardless, but if it wasn't the real deal I would  be able to get a little sleep.  After laying down for another hour, not getting any sleep, the contractions were 3-5 minutes apart.  At 2 am I decided to wake Dan up.  I told him it might be time to go to the hospital soon.  In his hazy, sleepy state he asked me how far apart my contractions were.  When I said, 3-5 minutes he jumped out of bed and started getting dressed.  He grabbed my hospital bag and his cell phone.  He tried calling his brother who was supposed to come over if we needed to go to the hospital.  Even though we had warned them just a few hours earlier to be on-call, they were not answering their phone.  Dan continued gathering things up while he repeatedly called their cell phones and home phone.  Still no answer.  We decided to drive over to their house and knock on their door, which they still didn't answer.  Dan, in desperation, decided to bang on their bedroom wall.  That woke them up and freaked them out!   

Finally, with someone to sleep at our house, we were on our way to the hospital.  It was about 3 am and my contractions were again 5-7 minutes apart but they were starting to hurt more.  

When we got to Labor and Delivery we were set up in a room for monitoring.  They checked me. I was 3.5cm.  I told them I was GBS+ and came with enough time to get my four hours of antibiotics since my labors tend to go quickly. That was when I learned that they changed the GBS policy. You really only 'need' 15 minutes for the antibiotic.  Four hours is best, but 15 minutes was enough.  If I had known that I would have stayed home longer!

 They wanted to make sure I was progressing before admitting me.   I labored for an hour praying I could stay.  My pain was still at a totally manageable level and I really didn't feel like I needed the epidural yet. That hour passed and at 4 am the nurse checked me again.  Still 3.5 cm.  I had two choices.  I could stay and be monitored for a second hour or I could go home with pain meds.  I was so exhausted I couldn't think straight and couldn't decide.  All I knew was that I wanted to sleep. Right about then my contractions kicked up to the next level.  They became much more intense.  And that made me decide to stay for one more hour. (Actually, I think Dan and the nurse decided for me because I was really not thinking straight.)  That hour was killer.  Not only was I exhausted but I was having crazy-painful back labor.  I wanted my epidural, and I wanted it NOW!  But they still made me wait for the remainder of the hour.  At 5 am the nurse checked me again.  4 cm!!  It was enough for them to check with my doctor.  When I found out he had decided to admit me and get me the drugs I was elated! 

 The nurse slowly got my IV in, started fluids, and my antibiotic.  She said they couldn't give me my epidural until I had enough fluids in me.  So I still had to wait.  At this point the contractions were the most painful I'd ever felt and I was desperately gripping Dan's hand and trying not to curse, reminding myself to keep breathing instead.  Did I mention how much I hate back labor?  By 5:30 the anesthesiologist walked in.  I was so happy to see him, but he really didn't work fast enough for me.  He asked me to sit Indian style on the edge of the bed.  What?!  How the heck was I supposed to do that?  After a lot of effort I was finally able to get into position. Clutching a pillow, burying my head in Dan's chest I did my best to hold still during horrendous contractions that made me want to scream and writhe in pain.  Eventually it was in, and I was able to lay down again.  Fifteen minutes later life was good again.  

The nursing staff switched shifts, and a nurse I loved walked in.  She checked my chart, checked my epidural, and got ready to put in my catheter.  She decided to check me as well.  I was 7cm and my water was about to break any second.  Love those epidurals!  They help me dilate so much faster!  At this point it was about 6:30 am. She said my doctor was just about to go home after his 24 hour on-call shift from Hades.  She let me rest for about 30 minutes, and when she came back in I was 8-9cm.  

The new doc on call could deliver me, but she decided to call my doctor and check with him first.  And because he is such a great doctor who loves his patients he decided to come back in just to deliver my baby.  Love him!  We waited for him to come back.   

When he walked in the room I said, "I told you my baby wanted to come out!"  He laughed.  They got the room set up and I got ready to push.  

(During this time our boys were waking up at home and Dan was trying to make childcare arrangements for the day. I had to yell at him to put his phone down and hold my leg.)

After a few pushes our baby was born at 7:44am.  The doctor, was shocked when she came out face up.  "She's posterior!" he said. "I've never seen a posterior baby come out that easily!"

"I told you so!"  I said.  

They immediately put her on my chest and while they rubbed her clean she looked up at me and stuck her tongue out.  Fiesty already!  After a few minutes they took her to weigh her.  

5 lbs 15.7 ounces 

I knew she was going to be small! 

 They put her back on my chest and she stayed there for a long time.  I didn't let her go until Room Service delivered my French Toast.  

I let Dan hold her while I ate.  

The nursing staff left us alone for a long time.  Just me, Dan and our new baby.  

It was so peaceful.   

Nesting Much?

When the baby dropped around 33 weeks I felt pretty miserable.  I couldn't stand or walk for any amount of time.  I couldn't lift much at all.  I spent a lot of time on the couch and called in reinforcements to help manage my household.  I delegated my Costco shopping to Dan.  

Until I was 37 weeks.  Suddenly I started feeling better.  I could stand with out pressure, and walk without pain.  So one afternoon I decided to go to Costco.  I reassured myself that I could do it because I really only needed a few items.  

The moment I walked into the store my nesting instinct kicked into overdrive.  Suddenly I needed everything in sight.  I just had to buy as much as I could to prepare my family for the baby's arrival.  I stocked up on everything.  

Honestly, I would have bought more, but I couldn't push two carts.

I kind of expected this little excursion to put me into labor.  It did not.

Maternity Pictures

There nothing like an awesome photographer with mad photoshop skills to make an awkward pregnant woman feel cute.  Here are some of my favorites from the shoot.

Thanks Tammy for giving me the strength to finish this!  

According to Dan I'm in the fourth quarter. 

Belly Watch: 2012 Edition

16 Weeks

26 Weeks

36 weeks

I never did get the huge belly this time.  Mostly because this baby dropped at around 33 weeks, which means I've been carrying her low in my pelvis rather than straight out front.  I mean, it's still large, just not the defying-gravity-needs-it's-own-zip-code kind of large.  I just get to waddle a lot more than normal.

I have an induction set for Oct 5th.  It's a guessing game on whether or not I'll make it that long.  

I Was Just Kidding

Apparently my little baby has taken this Eviction Notice a little too seriously.

Apparently he doesn't yet appreciate his mother's sense of humor.

And apparently, he reads my blog :P

Friday was a regular day. I did the normal "mom" things.

I also had a fun maternity photo shoot with Tammy and attended a wedding reception.

Normal, right?

By that evening I started feeling more uncomfortable than usual. By the time we got home from the wedding, I was having contractions. That isn't too unusual for me. I've been having sporadic, contractions for months now. Although lately they've become slightly more painful. Still, they weren't regular enough to worry about, just something I deal with.

Friday night was different.

Dan put the boys to bed while I dutifully laid in bed, on my left side, chugging water.

Normally, this would settle my contractions.

But not this time.

They stayed.

Not only did they stay, they got closer together and became more uncomfortable.

I asked Dan to call Labor & Delivery to see if they thought I should come in to be monitored. unfortunately, the nurse said that legally she couldn't tell us what to do. That we needed to talk to my doctor about it. Dan called my OB's office and talked to someone.

(I'm not really sure who, someone on call at midnight.)

She said that it was up to us and it never hurt to be on the safe side. By the time they were about five minutes apart I asked Dan to call his brother because I needed a blessing. Rob came right over.

After the blessing I started to feel very tired.

So I fell asleep.

I woke about an hour later, still contracting, they were every 6-10 minutes. I tried walking around, I tried drinking more water. I tried Googling things. I started to worry.

Not because they were painful, but because I couldn't get them to stop.

I couldn't sleep. So at 3am I decided to go to the hospital just in case. I really didn't want to bother any one at 3am so I left Dan home with the boys and I went by myself. I promised Dan that if I needed him to come I would call, and he could get a babysitter then

(For some reason the prospect of waking someone up at 4am was better than at 3am.)

Since we only live 5 minutes from the hospital he agreed.

When I arrived I told the nurses that I was only 35 weeks and was not ready to have this baby. I wanted him to bake a little longer. They checked me, I was 2+cm and 85% effaced. Only a minimal change from my doctor's visit three days before. They decided to monitor me for an hour to see what was going on. Once hooked up to the monitors we discovered that the contractions were now 3 1/2 minutes apart. They weren't very painful. They were highly uncomfortable - bordering on mildly painful.

An hour later they checked me again. 2+cm and 90%. Not much of a change but enough that they had to check with the on-call doctor before they could do anything. Because I insisted that I wasn't having a 35 week baby they gave me a shot of Terbutaline to stop the contractions.

It worked instantly.

They monitored me for another hour. When they were satisfied that I was no longer progressing, even minimally, and the baby was doing fine they sent me home.

That's when Warden Dan put me on bed rest.

I spent the weekend in bed reading, watching movies, resting, etc.

My niece came over Saturday and watched my kids all day.

Dan took over on Sunday.

I am feeling fine now. My contractions have gone back to "normal."

(Which means one every hour or so)

I was even tempted to go to an hour of church on Sunday except for the fact that I now have pink eye.

(Where the heck did that come from?)

I am anxious to get back to being a functioning person again. My calendar is pretty empty this week, thankfully.

Other than taking Tyson to school I don't even have to leave my house all week.

And that's not even until Tuesday thanks to this three day weekend.

It's only 10 days until I am 37 weeks, and my baby will be considered full-term rather than near-term. My plan is to take it really easy for the next 10 days.

Wish me luck.

It's Game Time!

I was going to wait until I was closer to my due date (Feb 17th) to start this game, but after visiting my doctor today, I think I will start it sooner rather than later.

Click on the icon in my right sidebar to go to ExpectNet.com and enter your guesses in our Baby Pool.

The winner will get something cool.

Here's some insider info so no one has an unfair advantage:

Last time:

Preston was 7lbs 8oz and 19.5" at birth. He was born four days after his due date thanks to an induction. I was dilated to a 4 without going into labor on my own.

This time:

So far this baby is measure a "few days" smaller than his dates and my belly is measuring one week smaller than my dates. I am currently 35 weeks along. My cervix is 2cm dilated and 80% effaced. I have an induction set for Feb 17th.

Food!

Pregnancy brings many weird symptoms.

One of them is crazy dreams.

Typically, pregnancy dreams have something to do with the baby.

Not here.

My dreams have been about food!

I am embarrassed to admit that on Christmas Eve, when children are supposed to have "visions of sugarplums dance through their heads," I was dreaming about visiting the drive-thru at McDonald's.

The following night I had a lovely dream about ice cream.

Thanks to my neighbors I have a pile of Christmas goodies on my kitchen counter.

They make good between-meal snacks

(and bedtime snacks, and tide-me-over-until-the-frozen-burrito-in-the-microwave-is-done snacks.)

FYI: If you show up at my door with a hamburger and/or a milk shake you will be my best friend forever.

Pregnancy Update

28 Weeks

I am officially in my third trimester.

I am having trouble bending over, putting on socks and rolling over in bed.

The only thing I crave is chocolate.

My heartburn is alive and well.

I can't sleep comfortably without the aide of at least 4 or 5 pillows.

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This little guy only accounts for about 2.5 of the 20lbs I've gained.

This baby is much more active that I remember Preston being. When he kicks, he kicks hard. And when he rolls over my whole belly shifts. For the most part it isn't painful yet and I am enjoying it. It's just a little annoying when I'm trying to sleep and he thinks it's time for a dance party. I am letting him enjoy it for now, because he is soon going to run out of room for handstands and Tai Kwan Do.

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I have several Braxton Hicks contractions everyday (and have for a couple months now). Some are painful, some are not. Thankfully all this contracting has not had any effect on my cervix, so there's nothing to worry about. It's just annoying. I have decided that I just have a very irritable uterus. Everything sets it off. Standing up and bending over are common culprits.

I'm trying to get the boys ready for their new brother. I don't think Preston really gets it yet. I try to tell him that he is going to be a big brother, but he insists that Tyson is the big brother. I have successfully convinced him that he is no longer the baby though. If you call him a baby he will say, "No I baby. I a kid!" He did tell me that he has a baby in his tummy too.

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I made the mistake of telling Tyson that the baby can hear him now. He likes to yell at my belly to try to make the baby move. It doesn't work. It just annoys me.

Adoption Questions Answered #3

Q: Do I prefer adoption over pregnancy or vice-versa?

A: After experiencing both, at least for me, they are

equal although very different.

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If I had hard pregnancies or had a very difficult adoption my answer may be different. But from my own experience they both have their ups and their downs.

They are both painful and so amazing.

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And both are totally worth it.

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Adoption is a roller coaster with highs that are very high and lows that are very low.

It is exciting and special in so many ways. The road of adoption is filled with many monumental steps: the day your profile is approved, the day you are chosen, the face to face meeting with your child's birth mother and family, the day your child is born, placement, finalization, and your sealing day. All are a cause of great joy and excitement. An adopted child is also a bit of a novelty for friends and neighbors. I remember Tyson being treated like a celebrity in our neighborhood when he was a baby.

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Adoption is also very hard. The approval process can be very demeaning. Proving to countless strangers that you are worthy to be a parent can be insulting and even embarrassing at times. It doesn't seem fair that adoptive parents must prove that they are healthy enough, they want a baby for the right reasons, that they have enough money to provide for a baby, that their marriage is strong enough, that they don't have a criminal background, etc. It is especially difficult when you see people around you who aren't healthy enough, who don't have enough money, who aren't in stable relationships, etc. be able to conceive quickly.

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The adoption process robs you of your sense of control. Your desire to be a parent is at the mercy of other people. Not just the adoption agency and other professionals who declare you fit to be a parent, but the birth mothers as well. It's hard to know your life is on display for public viewing, your every word being scrutinized others. After you are chosen by a birth mother, she can change her mind at any time. You may feel as if you are walking on egg shells trying to say the right things, for fear that she will shatter your dreams of being a parent.

After placement, you must continue to prove to social workers that you love your child and are bonding well. And at the end of the trial period, you must declare to a judge that you love your child. And even after all this the world will qualify your child as your "adopted child" or say that you are not a "real mother".

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But in the end it is all worth it.

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Pregnancy has it's highs and it's lows as well, although they are not nearly as dramatic as adoption. It's is full of exciting days as well. The day you discover you are pregnant, announcing to family and friends, hearing your baby's heartbeat, having ultrasounds, feeling your baby move and kick, baby showers, doctor's appointments, the day your baby is born, bringing your baby home, etc. are all times of excitement. And lets not forget the special treatment from strangers when they see your expanding belly.

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You never have to prove to anyone that you are the child's mother.

But in the middle of all the exciting days you also experience a loss of control. You lose control of your bodily functions, lose your appetite, lose your energy, lose your waistline and subsequently your wardrobe, etc.

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Pregnancy is painful. Childbirth is painful. Recovery is painful.

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But in the end it is all worth it.

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I heard it once said that adoption is easier on your hormones,

and pregnancy is easier on your heart.

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I love them both and consider myself very lucky to have experienced both.

I honestly hope I get to experience them both again.

The Only Thing Better Than Two Boys is Three!

That's right fellow blogging peeps, we're having another boy!

I admit I was in shock when the ultrasound tech wrote, "OH BOY!!!" on the screen.

He was adorable and wiggling everywhere.

The tech commented on how active he was.
That should be lots of fun when he gets bigger!

Pray for my ribs!

For now I am thoroughly enjoying all the little bumps, pokes and kicks.

My favorite picture is this one of his biceps:

What a stud!

Tyson is a little sad that he won't be getting his sister as soon as he had hoped. He told me that he really hopes the next one is a girl. But I don't think it will take long for him to be excited about his baby brother.

To announce to family we made cupcakes with blue colored filling.

Tyson looks happy, but maybe just because his cupcake was his favorite color.

Grandma looks likes she doesn't believe it.

And Papa looks very pleased.

Are You Feeling Lucky?

The wait is nearly over.

Tomorrow is the big day, the day of my (and Deb's) Ultrasound.

So let the official guessing begin.

FYI: The Chinese Calendar predicts a Girl (however the Chinese lunar calendar says Boy)

The heart rate prediction points to a Girl

Tyson has always said it was a Girl (He predicted Preston correctly)

The ring test says Boy

According to some on-line quiz I am having a Girl

I think it's a girl, but I am always wrong!

Post your official predictions now!

*And for the record: Despite popular belief, I will not be sad if it's a boy. I'm good at raising boys. The only thing better than two beautiful boys is three!

Babies on the Brain

First, if you scroll all the way down to the bottom of my blog you will see my little pregnancy ticker. This morning it switched from the fourth to the fifth baby.

The middle baby!

Which means I nearly half done baking this kid! It honestly doesn't feel like half way to me. Maybe I will feel differently in a couple weeks when I actually hit the half way mark.

(Which reminds me, it's nearly time to start the guessing games. Feel free to start posting your sex predictions.)

Some days I forget I am pregnant. Other days I feel it. My back is starting is bug me, most specifically my sciatic area. It makes being Mom difficult.

Bending, lifting, sitting on the floor, all are taboo.

I've yet to discover how to be Mom without doing these things however. In the meantime, there will be more toys on my floor, a surplus of weeds in my garden, and Preston will be walking a lot more.

In fact, I think this back pain is the motivation I needed to move him out of his crib and into a toddler bed. That is, if I could carry the toddler bed up from the storage room and take down a crib by myself.

In other (more exciting) baby news, Baby Eli is coming today!

I am so excited, but not nearly excited as his parents -to-be.

I can't wait to see pictures.

Cafe Preggers

I found this Pregnancy Menu in a Mom-To-Be magazine.

I found it hilarious but true.

Enjoy

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First Trimester Menu

Appetizer

Tums Compote

Entree

Fresh Saltines on a bed of Saltines, lightly seasoned with Saltines

Beverage

Ginger Ale (IV drip available upon request)

Dessert

Ten minutes in a dim room with an ice bag on your head

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Second Trimester Menu

Appetizer

Half a roast turkey, extra crispy

Entree*

A succulent leg of lamb smothered in pork chops, served BBQ ribs and garnished with cheeseburgers (all burnt beyond recognition for your safety)

Beverage

Toll House-pie smoothie, prepared with 1/2 pint heavy cream

Dessert

9/13 pan of double fudge brownies

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Third Trimester Menu

(Each course followed by 15 minute neck massage and/or bathroom break.)

Appetizer

Three bites of tossed salad

Entree

Two bites of lasagna

Beverage

None- so you'll have room for dessert

Dessert

A Tic-Tac

*Double portions available if you're expecting twins

Belly Comparison

I've been told you get bigger faster with your second baby than with your first.

I feel bigger this time.

15 weeks along with Preston

My current "15 week" belly

What do you think?

And if you tell me I don't look pregnant at all I may slug you.

The Birds and the Bees and Whales

Tyson has been very interested in this new baby. When we first told him that there was a baby in my tummy he wanted to know what the baby was doing, all the time.

What is the baby doing now?

How about now?

And now?

My answer was usually, "The baby is sleeping."

After a day or two of answering his incessant questions I decided to show him a picture of what the baby looks like now.

So I looked it up on-line.

He thought it was pretty cool. Then he paused. The following conversation ensued:

T: What is that thing coming out of it's belly?

M: That's the umbilical cord. That is how the baby eats and breathes. After the baby comes out that will be where the baby's belly button is. That's how you and I got our belly buttons.

T: Is the baby going to come out of your belly button?

M: Um, no.

T: Where is the baby going to come out?

M: There is a special opening on mommies where the baby can come out. It is usually very small, but when it's time for the baby to be born it opens up big.

T: Where is it?

M: It's by my bum.

T: That's gross!

M: Yeah, well. . . .

T: Hey! That's just like a whale! The baby whale comes out by the mom's tail!

M: Yep, it's just like that.

I can't wait until he asks how the baby got in there.

"Well, there's this special hug that a daddy gives a mommy . . . . . ."

Behind the Scenes

For the last year or so, I've had many people ask me if I thought I'd get pregnant again, or if we'd adopt again. Honestly, I didn't know. I didn't really care, either. We've done it both ways and loved it both ways. With Tyson we tried to get pregnant and couldn't. So we adopted. With Preston we tried to adopt and couldn't. That's when I discovered I was pregnant.

Not a very good track record.

A few months before Preston's first birthday, we began unofficially "trying." We told ourselves that we would give it a year, if it didn't work naturally (i.e. no infertility treatments cuz I am SO over that) we would begin the adoption process again. Time passed and nothing happened.

And yet, I never felt any closer to adoption. It didn't feel right. I wanted it to feel right, but it just didn't.

I prayed a lot. My prayers were basically this:

"Tell me what to do. I'll do what ever you want. Just tell me what to do."

My answer was always:

"Relax. Do nothing."

So I'd wait a few more months and ask again:

"Tell me what I need to be doing. I'll do anything."

The answer again came:

"Relax, and do nothing."

At the beginning of the year I started thinking about how May was the "perfect" month to conceive. I don't know why. It seems crazy for me, the one who took 6 1/2 years to conceive the first time, to get my heart set on one specific month. As each month passed with no pregnancy I kept telling myself, "It's OK, it's not May yet."

You can only imagine the self-imposed pressure I felt when May rolled around.

What if it didn't work?

Chances were that it wouldn't. I'd put all my eggs (no pun intended) in one basket. I could feel the wall that had been protecting my heart slowly begin to crumble.

The day before my "monthly friend" was due I was hit with a wave of depression. I didn't get dressed. I moped around the house. I felt like crying all day. That night I decided that I was going to test the next morning just so I could grieve my loss and move on with my life. I couldn't let myself be depressed forever.

I woke early the next morning and without a word to Dan, headed to the bathroom and dug a test out from the back corner of my cabinet.

At first glance it looked negative, so I walked away.

I gave myself a little pep talk.

It's going to be OK. There is always next month. It's OK. We've got plenty of time.

When I had my emotions in check I walked back over to the test to throw it in the garbage. When I picked it up I saw TWO distinct pink lines. I couldn't believe it!

It was positive!

It worked!

I was right!

I actually conceived in May!

Shaking, I went to find Dan. When I showed him the test his eyes bugged out of his head. He was just as surprised as I was.

I am now 13 weeks and due Feb 17th, 2010.

P.S. Today is our 9th Anniversary. Happy Anniversary Babe.

Guess What?!

Surprise!

For even more excitement, check out my sister's blog.

February should be lots of fun!