Adoption Questions Answered #3

Q: Do I prefer adoption over pregnancy or vice-versa?

A: After experiencing both, at least for me, they are

equal although very different.

.

If I had hard pregnancies or had a very difficult adoption my answer may be different. But from my own experience they both have their ups and their downs.

They are both painful and so amazing.

.

And both are totally worth it.

.

Adoption is a roller coaster with highs that are very high and lows that are very low.

It is exciting and special in so many ways. The road of adoption is filled with many monumental steps: the day your profile is approved, the day you are chosen, the face to face meeting with your child's birth mother and family, the day your child is born, placement, finalization, and your sealing day. All are a cause of great joy and excitement. An adopted child is also a bit of a novelty for friends and neighbors. I remember Tyson being treated like a celebrity in our neighborhood when he was a baby.

.

Adoption is also very hard. The approval process can be very demeaning. Proving to countless strangers that you are worthy to be a parent can be insulting and even embarrassing at times. It doesn't seem fair that adoptive parents must prove that they are healthy enough, they want a baby for the right reasons, that they have enough money to provide for a baby, that their marriage is strong enough, that they don't have a criminal background, etc. It is especially difficult when you see people around you who aren't healthy enough, who don't have enough money, who aren't in stable relationships, etc. be able to conceive quickly.

.

The adoption process robs you of your sense of control. Your desire to be a parent is at the mercy of other people. Not just the adoption agency and other professionals who declare you fit to be a parent, but the birth mothers as well. It's hard to know your life is on display for public viewing, your every word being scrutinized others. After you are chosen by a birth mother, she can change her mind at any time. You may feel as if you are walking on egg shells trying to say the right things, for fear that she will shatter your dreams of being a parent.

After placement, you must continue to prove to social workers that you love your child and are bonding well. And at the end of the trial period, you must declare to a judge that you love your child. And even after all this the world will qualify your child as your "adopted child" or say that you are not a "real mother".

.

But in the end it is all worth it.

.

Pregnancy has it's highs and it's lows as well, although they are not nearly as dramatic as adoption. It's is full of exciting days as well. The day you discover you are pregnant, announcing to family and friends, hearing your baby's heartbeat, having ultrasounds, feeling your baby move and kick, baby showers, doctor's appointments, the day your baby is born, bringing your baby home, etc. are all times of excitement. And lets not forget the special treatment from strangers when they see your expanding belly.

.

You never have to prove to anyone that you are the child's mother.

But in the middle of all the exciting days you also experience a loss of control. You lose control of your bodily functions, lose your appetite, lose your energy, lose your waistline and subsequently your wardrobe, etc.

.

Pregnancy is painful. Childbirth is painful. Recovery is painful.

.

But in the end it is all worth it.

.

I heard it once said that adoption is easier on your hormones,

and pregnancy is easier on your heart.

.

I love them both and consider myself very lucky to have experienced both.

I honestly hope I get to experience them both again.