Q: Do I feel a different connection with Tyson than I do with Preston. (Not do I love one more than the other, but do I feel a different type of connection)?
A: I have thought long and hard about this question. It has really stuck with me. It's interesting because I only have two children, one is adopted and one is biological. I love them in different ways.
Are the differences due to individual personality and age or are they due to the way they came to me?
When this question was first asked to me Preston was still a baby. At the time I felt a stronger connection to him. Was it because he was my flesh and blood? As he has grown I have noticed that connection change and become more like the connection I have with Tyson.
Here's my hypothesis: A mother will typically have a stronger connection with a baby than with an older child due to a motherly instinct to care and protect a helpless infant. As a child grows and no longer relies on a parent for constant care and protection the bond between parent and child weakens.
Does that make sense?
I am still very self-conscious about this. I am always monitoring the way I parent them. Am I more lenient with one or the other? Do I favor one over the other? I never want them to wonder if I was playing favorites.
I think having a third child will help.
Instead of it being Tyson vs. Preston it will be the big boys vs. the baby.
4 comments. . . I Love Comments!:
I like the big boys vs the baby scenario.
I wanted you to know that I do the same kind of monitoring with my boys. And they both came to me by birth. My connection with Jackson changed after Hunter was born. I think you're right, you feel more protective of a baby. I don't love one more than the other, it's just a different kind of love. And I worry about it daily, lol!
I have always thought these same things. People starting adoption never seem to believe that you can love a child anyway they come. Since Anika is biological and the others are not, who do I love the most? THe answer is they are all different kinds of love, because they are all different kids, and came to me at different times in my life when I needed different things.
It's funny because I'm worried about loving this next one less than I love PJ since she's my first and I outwardly fought so hard for her.
We'll see. I'm sure I'll love them both in different ways though.
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