In the Hollow of His Hand

I was sitting in my rocking chair in the quiet of my bedroom early Sunday morning when Tyson came in to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. With a hug and a kiss I thanked him for making me a Mother six years ago. I told him he was the best Mother's day present I have ever received. I was suddenly hit with a wave of understanding. Tyson was born one week before Mother's day. He was three weeks early. I suddenly knew that his being born early was a tender mercy of our Heavenly Father. He allowed Tyson to be born early so that I wouldn't have to endure one more Mother's day with empty arms. At the time I thought it was just lucky coincidence but the burning in my heart let me know that it was no coincidence.

The more I thought of this the more I realized that my entire life has been filled with these tender mercies and great blessings. They came to my mind one after another. They came with such clarity that I know, in hindsight, that they were perfectly orchestrated by our Heavenly Father. I want to hurry to write them down so that I will never forget. Please forgive my self-indulgence here, but I want to share some of them with you. Although they came to me in a random order I will share them with you chronologically so that they make more sense.

Before Dan and I were married, Dan gave me flowers for Mother's Day. Although very sweet, I found this strange because I wasn't a mother yet. It didn't bother me yet to be excluded from the circle of Mother. Little did I know that I would need to get used to celebrating Mother's day without children. Because Dan had always honored me as the mother of his future children it wasn't as painful when I spent four Mother's Days with empty arms.

During our first few years of marriage Dan worked for a phonebook company. It was a sales job that was commission only. He often didn't get paid for the work he was doing as many commissions were tied up in paperwork. It was a struggle at the time, but because we had very few expenses and food storage we squeaked by. What seemed like a trial at the time (I was buying groceries with quarters) became one of our greatest blessings. After months of living like this we had several large commissions all come through at the same time. We suddenly had a large sum of money sitting in the bank. After paying our tithing and restocking our food storage we realized we had a down payment for our first house, something that would have been very difficult to get without this "forced savings plan."

Dan worked at this job for several more years until December of 2003. Dan suddenly lost his job. This job loss seemed very poorly timed. It just happened to be the same week we met Tyson's birth mother for the first time. It's a little awkward meeting a potential birth mother when you are unemployed. We chose to look on the bright side. Dan was still in school at the time and he had finals coming up. Dan suddenly had time to study for and take his finals. Dan was only unemployed for two weeks. During that two week period he was able to interview at many local companies. By the time he was done with school for the semester he had multiple job offers, including one at the car dealership where he worked for the next six years. The dealership was only a mile from our house and he no longer had to travel around the state like he did with the phonebook company. This new job was much better suited for life with a child. And as icing on the cake: the new job's insurance policy had adoption benefits.

When Tyson was 18 months old we started the adoption process again. In preparation for having a larger family we moved to a new home, one with an extra bedroom. But after we moved that extra bedroom sat empty for months. My heart ached every time I walked past that empty room. One day as I passed the room for the billionth time I said to myself, "I just wish that room wasn't empty anymore!" The next morning I received a phone call from our adoption agency. They had a birth mother who needed a place to live for the remainder of her pregnancy. Even though we had never expressed an interest in hosting a birth mother they felt prompted to call us. It was an answer to my prayer, not at all the way I expected it to be answered, but an answer nonetheless. By that afternoon we had turned that empty room into a bedroom for a beautiful 19 year old birth mother. She lived with us for two months until her sweet baby girl was born.

During this time we were still trying to adopt a baby of our own. I was becoming very frustrated with the wait. It wasn't the actual waiting that was bothering me, it was the unknown. I didn't mind waiting, I just wanted to know how long I would be waiting for. I expressed this complaint to my Visiting Teachers one month, "I don't care if I have to wait another nine months, I just want a light at the end of the tunnel!" Just a couple months later I discovered I was pregnant with Preston. And I got my nine months of waiting, which was great because I had that light at the end of the tunnel.

After three years of working at the dealership Dan grew restless. He wasn't happy there. He had an interest in Real Estate, not car sales. Despite everyone's advice that there was no money in Real Estate, Dan knew that was what he wanted to do. He enrolled in Real Estate school and completed all his education and certification while still working at the dealership. Dan sold his first house when Preston was born. The commission from that first sale paid Preston's medical bills from his week stay at Primary Children's.

Dan spent the next couple years working two jobs, full time at the dealership to pay our bills and spare time/part time doing Real Estate to keep himself happy. Then the economy took a turn for the worse. Car sales plummeted. Dan's job at the dealership was no longer enough to support our family. Thankfully we had a second source of income already in place. Yes, Dan had to work a lot more hours, but we were able to survive this recession with very little problem. While many people were unemployed Dan had two jobs. Now Dan's Real Estate career has taken off. He is way too busy selling homes to bother selling cars anymore. He was recently able to quit working at the dealership. It is wonderful to have him back.

These are only a few of the examples that came to my mind. My whole life has been spent sitting in the palm of God's hand.

Later in the day at church a dear friend came over to talk to me. She said that she had been admiring Nolan in Sacrament Meeting. Then with tears in her eyes she said, "I was thinking of your struggles today. I am so happy that you have him now, but I can't help but think where Tyson would be if he and Preston had come right away." With tears in my own eyes I said, "I'm grateful now for the struggles because I can't imagine where Preston and Nolan would be without Tyson as their big brother."

It all happened the way it was supposed to and God was carrying me the whole time.