Adoption Myths

There are lots of myths about adoption out there.

Myth #1 Only unwanted babies are placed for adoption.
Myth #2 Children always fare best when kept with their biological family.
Myth #3 Birth parents who place their babies for adoption are abandoning their responsibility and taking the “easy way out.”
Myth #4 Closed adoptions are best so the birth mom can "forget the child" and "move on with her life."
Myth #5 Closed adoptions are best for the Adoptee, so there isn't any confusion about who their parents are.
Myth #6 No one can love a child as much as the woman who gave him/her birth.
Myth #7 If Birth Moms loved their babies more they wouldn't be able to let them go.

I recently asked several friends from across the country about their thoughts and feelings concerning adoption. And while they each said they were "pro-adoption" They all had very different attitudes and opinions on the subject.

When asked how their life has been effected by adoption, I got answers like

• My friends adopted a baby.


• My mom placed her first child for adoption.


• I know someone who is adopted.


• A friend of mine place a child for adoption. They were recently reunited.


• My in-laws adopted their granddaughter.

I asked why they thought birth parents chose to place their babies for adoptions. The answers were

• When they feel it's the right thing to do.


• When they have a lack of love, support, finances, or education.


• When they are not emotionally or physically ready to care for a child.


• When they are brave in the acknowledgement that they are not ready to parent.


• When they are too young to parent.


• When abuse is involved.


• When they do not have the right lifestyle conducive to raising a healthy child.

When I asked what the easy way out of a crisis/unplanned pregnancy was I only got two answers

• Abortion


• There is no easy way out.

(I agree with the second answer, there is no easy way out. Abortion leaves deep emotional and psychological scars.)

When I asked if they thought a birth mother ever forgot a child she placed, every answer was the same: No.

I also only got one answer when I asked if no once could love a child as much as a biological mother. No

Then I asked some more "Hot-Topic" questions.

I asked "Do you think children typically fare better when raised by biological family in less than ideal situation (single parenting, teen parenting, poverty, etc.) or in a stable adoptive home with two parents?"

I received varying answers on this one. Most people said that a child would fare better in a stable adoptive home with two parents.

A couple people disagreed. They felt that a child fares best in a home where they are "wanted and loved," or "happy and well-cared for "regardless of the family dynamic.

These two answers subconsciously reflect Myth #1 Only unwanted babies are placed for adoption.

Truth: Birth Mothers want to keep their babies.

Truth: Birth Mothers love their babies.

Truth: Children raised by single mothers can be happy.

Truth: Single mothers can take good care of their babies.

However, statistics show that children who are raised in a stable, two-parent home fare better. (See this post)

I firmly believe that every child deserves to have a Mother AND a Father. Unfortunately many children don't get that opportunity. Due to many circumstances, including but not limited to death and divorce, this ideal is not reality for many people.

Again, I am not saying that children of single parents are less loved, or not as well cared for, or aren't going to succeed in life. They just have the odds stacked against them.

Moving on to my favorite Hot-Topic Question.

Most people will say 'yes' when asked if they would support a family member in placing a baby for adoption, but if you ask "Would you support your child in placing a baby for adoption? it gets a little more emotional. It suddenly becomes a lot more personal.

Many parents have a hard time stepping back and letting an adoption take place. Parents of birth parents are often more stable emotionally and financially. They often want to swoop in and "fix" the situation by offering to parent the child, whether it's long-term or short-term. Many people have a hard time letting go of a grandchild, imagining a grandchild being raised by someone else, strangers. I've even heard a women boldly declare that if their son's girlfriend tried to place a baby for adoption she would take that girl to court to stop her. The thought makes me sick.

This is exactly why I am so thankful for Tyson's biological grandparents.

Click here to read a birth grandmother's story.

Truth: Adoption is a very difficult choice.

Truth: Birth Mothers break their own hearts to give their child the best life possible.

Truth: Birth mothers deserve our love and respect.

Do you want to know more about these amazing women, known as Birth Mothers? Tomorrow I will post a link list of my favorite Birth Mother blogs. They are powerful to read.