The Car Analogy

November is National Adoption Month.

By now, you should all know how I feel about adoption. I've shared every aspect of our adoption experience.

Recently, I came across an adoption analogy for the first time. I would like to share it with you, compliments of mrs. r who originally posted this in 2007.

The Car Analogy

A young man and a young woman are out on the lawn outside of a very busy street. The child they are both responsible for runs out into the street. At the same time the couple becomes aware that there is a car coming at a very high rate of speed. There is no chance that the child will not get hit. The car is coming much too fast.

The couple as four options.

1. They can do nothing and watch the child get hit and killed by the car. The psychological memory of this inaction burned in their minds forever.
This is abortion.

2. They can both jump out and sandwich the child between them to brace the child for the collision. If they can stay together, there is minimal injury to the child. However, there is a 80-90% chance that they will split upon impact.
This is couples that try to stay together and/or get married because of a crisis pregnancy.

3. One of the parents can jump out in front of the car by themselves. Injuries to the child are more substantial.
This is single parenting.

4. One or both of the parents and run out into the street and push the child out of the way of the speeding car and into the outstretched arms of a couple on the other side of the street.
This is adoption.

However, in all of these options, even with adoption, the birth parents get hit by the car.

mrs. r continues to talk about how adoptive parents can help these sweet birth parent heal from being "hit by the car."

i imagined myself in this analogy, watching this wreck happen. mr. r and i were not the cause of the wreck. we are begging to be part of the solution with open arms and hearts. once tyson

{her son's name is Tyson too!}

was pushed out of the way of the speeding car, we watched his sweet birth mother get hit by the car and his birth father turn his back and walk away.
but, what do we do?
do we take the child and run away?
do we rush to her side to try and help her?
do we call 911?
how do we help this birth mother heal?
collisions like this are happening everyday, in every stake and in every neighborhood.
for every 16 adoptions there are 1,000 unwed births.
for every 17 adoptions there are 1,000 abortions.

This takes me back to the time of my Tyson's adoption. What did we do to help his birth mother heal? We were told that we could not heal her. We had to let her go through the grieving process on her own. But what we could do is keep our promises to her regarding the openness of our adoption. We were told to get pictures and a letter to her as soon as we could. Tyson was placed in our arms late on a Saturday night. By Monday, we had a heartfelt letter and a stack of pictures for her. Those letters and pictures continued frequently (as often as once a week) for quite some time. We never missed a letter. Sometimes they were a day or two late, but we always sent those letters, always with a good stack of pictures. Our letter writing schedule went through many stages, but we never changed without checking with her first. We sent gifts whenever it was appropriate.

I know we can never re-pay her, but I can do my best to try. I feel the most important way we can re-pay her is to raise her baby the best we can. We can repay her by loving her son as much as she loves him. We can repay her by raising him in the gospel, and giving him a strong family, a family with a father and a mother who love each other. That is what she wanted. That is what we are doing.